School will be ending in 10 days for me. 

Anxious to rise above the thrashing volts of expectations. Standing up for who I am and what I love. If people don’t understand it then tough fucking shit. 

I am not straight. 

I am not into manly bullwork. 

I don’t drink beer. 

If what I am approaching will better my life mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically I am going to take that route. 

I am not going to go through life living pay check to pay check worrying about poverty when clearly I can love someone who is well off and I know that in the long run that kids will be better off. I am giving myself a karmic cleanse so I shouldn’t feel bad that I am taking a chance on a star that will enable me a better perspective on life. 

Cut out the extra fat on your meat so that you can live longer! That is the metaphor of this story. 

I am happy with my decision. To think that I gave love to someone that didn’t even know it existed was so thrilling. Then the universe opened the doors for me to access a chance for love that will fill me to the rim. 

• Patience
• Sharing
• Understanding
• Respect

These are the ingredients to make a relationship work and it is so enlightening to have it come from someone who hasn’t gone in the ring like I have. 

Sometimes letting go and being free is all you can do for love. 

…

Love is there. It is real. And it can last for many moons to come as it should, do you know how? Because people are born to love. Love the Earth and love each other. 

If you want love and don’t have it, it is because YOU ARE NOT YET RIPE enough for it. You might feel so strongly about love and how it can be, but it is not the right time for you. I know I know! 

I spent many birthdays wishing for a boyfriend secretly. A prince to come and he never came, but I understand that I had to endure a journey to strengthen myself first before I can strengthen life with another. 

It is like the trail of the zodiac. First half deals with being selfish first and then it enters caring for others. No worries. 

Love is abound. It will come. Don’t push to hard, because when you are at your truest self then it will walk right up to you or message you (digital age now) and sweep you off your feet. 

Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot. 

1. Be becoming famous (career)
2. Are we going to eat dinner together (friends)
3. Wondering why she hasnt returned my text (family)
4. How i look to the outside world (self)
5. Do i need to do my tarot? (spirituality)
6. I need to exercise. (health)
7. bank account needs more cash (money)

Day 2: Nine things about yourself

1. I read the whole Shiloh series when I was in Middle School. And when it was my friend’s birthday I gave the book set to her as a gift because I didnt want to feel poor.
2. I buried a timecapsule in the woods once.
3. I wanted to be an interior designer.
4. I wrote I AM GAY all over my room one day because I could not take the bullying any longer. On my alarm clock and the American Flag poster (I got yelled at for defaming the flag.)
5. I used to bite and scratch NANA when she would hold me down and tell me to do something.
6. I really like the smells of new shoes and books.
7. I HATE the smell of a NEW CAR!
8. I used to play QVC in the hallway with the Shampoo and lotions.
9. I am America’s Future Talk Show Host

I am ashamed to not have a place to call home. To be ridiculed and judged for loving penis and to be bullied by mean people. Those are the black blotches in my life. I am alone. Depressed. And I don’t have money to make me escape. The blackness holds me down and no one sees this and it PISSES me off.